TIMED WRITING SAMPLE
In this section, I cite specific writing strategies applicants can use to separate themselves from hundreds of other essayists. While grammar, syntax and flow are important, what really catches the eye of the Punahou, Iolani, Mid-Pacific... faculty grader is creativity, honesty, originality, uniqueness and humor. Below are some comparisons between “average” and “better” writing samples.
- Average: “The best day in my life was when our team won the championship.” Better: “The cheering of the crowd, the smiles on my parents’ faces and the celebration with my teammates changed my life forever.”
- Average: “The worst day in my life was when I broke my leg.” Better: “After I fell, pain shot through my body, but what hurt more was the fear of possibly being laughed at.”
- Average: “Outside family, the person who changed my life the most was my coach.” Better: “My coach touched my heart, and could see things in me I could not see myself.”
- Average: “If I had to plan a field trip, my class would go to the zoo.” Better: “Our field trip would be to the moon, where we could see and touch wonders only dreamed about in science class.”
- Average: “If I had nothing to do, I would call my friends and play Xbox all day.” Better: “If I had nothing to do, I would call my friends and dig a tunnel to the Big Island so we can see active volcanoes.”
- Average: “If I were principal, I would tell teachers to be less strict and mean.” Better: “Teachers must control classrooms, but this one time, my teacher said something to me that almost made me cry.”
Sample Writing Prompts
In my experience, there is a likelihood that one or more of the following writing prompts (or some variation of the prompt) will be administered to your child on the Punahou, Iolani, Mid-Pacific... “Interview Day”. Parents may want to discuss these writing prompts with their child PRIOR to this day to best prepare for the all-important timed writing sample. A good essay should be at least 3/4-page, but preferably one page in length. Quality essays that go over one page in length (especially with a time constraint) can really STAND OUT before a Punahou, Iolani, Mid-Pacific... staff member, possibly a grade-appropriate language arts teacher.
- Tell us about the best (or worst) day in your life in as much detail as possible. / What is the greatest thing that has ever happened to you? Explain. / Write about an event that has changed your life as completely as you can.
- What is your favorite place in the whole wide world? Explain. / Describe your favorite room in your house (or at school). / Think about a place where you like to go to be alone. Write about this place and tell why you like to go there to be alone. / What is the most fun place in your neighborhood (or town or city) and why?
- Describe something you’re really good at in lots of detail. / Tell us about a time when you felt proud. Why?
- If you could become any animal, what animal would you choose to be? Why?
- You are assigned the task of planning a field trip. Where would you go and why?
- If you had three wishes, what would you wish for and why?
- Describe a superpower you would want to have. Explain.
- You have nothing to do for an entire weekend. Tell us what you would do in as much detail as possible.
- Describe a person OR celebrity OR historical figure who has had a big impact on your life. Why?
- If you were principal, what would you do to improve your school?
- You have been elected governor. What would you do to make (your state) a better place for everyone to live?
Summary and Final Thoughts
The Timed Writing Sample may be the most overlooked and underestimated aspect of the private school admissions process, especially by students. It is the one and only “assignment” required and graded by Punahou, Iolani, Mid-Pacific... faculty. As a result, penmanship, paragraph structure, idea formulation, spelling, grammar and syntax are scrutinized. Understandably, many applicants are exhausted from months of intense standardized test drill-and-practice, laborious homework assignments and school projects, and energy-sapping extracurricular activities. But the time to relax is after the Timed Writing Sample is completed. Essayists should spend as much time as permitted (usually about 20 minutes) working on the Writing Sample. An applicant who finishes the Timed Writing Sample in five minutes could see years of hard work go down the drain. Needless to say, a lazily written essay can eliminate an already longshot candidate from contention.
ADMISSIONS INTERVIEW
While parents should help their child for the all-important admissions interview, applicants who appear “over-coached” may bother or even annoy the Punahou, Iolani, Mid-Pacific... faculty interviewer who is looking for honesty (but not brutal honesty), genuineness of personality and the applicant’s true heart and soul. Not every child is charismatic, articulate, passionate, energetic or optimistic, and any attempt to alter an applicant’s personality could lead to disaster. In my opinion, parents are the very ones in the best position to influence their child’s interview performance. So how can parents give their child an edge on the all-important admissions interview?
DRESS CLOTHES! SAY HELLO! SHAKE HANDS! YES SIR! YES MA’AM! EYE CONTACT! ENTHUSIASM!
COMPLETE SENTENCES! USE THE WORD “GREAT”! SAY THANK YOU! SHAKE HANDS! SAY GOOD-BYE!
The one thing applicants must do to enhance their interview skills is to be polite, thoughtful and respectful. A shy, inarticulate, nervous student without an all-American smile or laser eye contact can still make an impression on the Punahou, Iolani, Mid-Pacific... faculty interviewer with good manners. Even a kid who does not answer an interview question but instead replies, “I’m sorry, could you please repeat the question” could impress the interviewer in subtle ways. Thoughtfulness and respect are universal, transcending the personality and racial background. Even the aliens on Star Wars used them in their intergalactic relations. In short, candidates who have “please”, “thank you”, “you’re welcome” and “my mistake” in their vocabulary have an advantage in a generation of competitive, high-achieving prima donnas.
Common Admissions Interview Questions:
- Why do you want to attend Punahou, Iolani, Mid-Pacific...? / Tell me what you know about Punahou, Iolani, Mid-Pacific...
- What 3 words would you use to describe yourself? (e.g., smart, athletic, hardworking, respectful, friendly, kind, funny, creative, musical, artistic, etc.) Explain why you chose these 3 words.
- Describe yourself as a student (including academics, extracurricular, participation, teamwork).
- Tell me about your school. Describe your typical school day.
- What do you do with your family? What do you do with your friends?
- What are your hobbies? What do you like to do in your free time?
- Describe something you’re really good at or really proud of.
- What would you change about yourself?
- What extracurricular activities have you participated in?
- Do you like reading books? Tell me about the last book you’ve read.
- What are your favorite subjects in school?
- Who was your favorite teacher and why?
- Describe a person who has had a great influence on your life.
- Describe an event that has had a great impact on your life.
- What would you do on a weekend if you had no homework or other things to do?
- Any current events question.